I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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