So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Buhtt sex?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
