Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
