ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
