sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
