I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
