Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
