just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's blow job season.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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