He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
