i think my tv is drunk
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
