I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
