I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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