Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
