I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
