this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
