My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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