I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
