This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
