i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
