the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
