is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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