This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
