This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
