Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
