I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
