so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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