you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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