theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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