Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
