I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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