you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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