I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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