my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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