Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
