my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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