Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
