Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
