I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
