Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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