Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
