woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
