don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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