Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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