when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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