i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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