I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
