U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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