Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
