i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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