is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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