Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
